There is a 2 years gap on your CV !
I was in jail. Why ? I killed the guy who told me : “we’ll call you back”.
Welcome on board, you have the job.
- My friend’s wife crashed her car into some guy last night. She told the police that the guy was on his mobile and was drinking beer at the time of accident. The police said he was entitled to do whatever he wanted in his own backyard !!!
- The US invaded Iraq.
Why ? US said Iraq had Weapons of Mass Destruction !! Then, why doesn’t the US invade North Korea ?
Because….. they ‘ACTUALLY HAVE’ Weapons of Mass Destruction.
- A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. “Where the hell have you been all night?” she demands. “At this new bar,” he says – “The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. Its’ got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the urinal’s gold!” The wife still doesn’t believe his story and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband’s story. “Is this the Golden Saloon?” she asks when the bartender answers the phone. “Yes, it is,” bartender answers. “Do you have huge golden doors?” “Sure do.”
“Do you have golden floors?” “Most certainly do.” “What about golden urinals?” There’s a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, “Hey,Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night….!!!
- In a ‘Mental Hospital’ of 38 patients, a journalist asks the Doctor : How do you determine whether to admit a mental patient or not to ? Dr: “Well, we fill a bathtub with water and then give the patient : A. a teaspoon, B. a glass, C. a bucket and ask them to empty the bathtub.” Journalist : “Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger.” Dr : “No, a normal person would pull the drain plug! Please go to bed no. 39. We will start further investigations on you!”
You also thought of the bucket, didn’t you? Please go to bed no. 40!!
- Lisa bought a donkey from a farmer for US$ 100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. In the morning he drove up and said…..’Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died.’ Lisa replied, ‘Well just give me my money back then.’ The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that .I’ve already spent it.’ Lisa said, ‘OK then, just bring me the dead donkey.’ The farmer asked, ‘What are you going to do with him?’ Lisa said, “I’m going to give him off in a lottery prize.’ The farmer said, ‘You can’t do with a dead donkey!’ Lisa said, ‘‘Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’ A month later, the farmer met up with Lisa and asked, ‘what happened with that dead donkey?’ Lisa said, ‘I gave him off in a lottery. I sold 500 tickets at US$ 2 each and made a profit of US $ 898.’ The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’ Lisa said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $ 2 back.’ Lisa now works with RELIANCE JIO as Head of Business Strategy.
- The guy asked a girl in a library, “Do you mind if I sit beside you?” The girl answered with a loud voice, “I do not want to spend the night with you!!!!” All the students in library started staring at the guy. He was embarrassed……… After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and told him, “I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking. Let me guess, you were embarrassed, huh?” The guy responded with a loud voice “200 dollars for one night!?!? That’s too much!!!!” ……and all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock…….
- The guy leaned over and whispered, “I study Management and I know how to screw people….” This was Psychology VS Management.
I went to liquor store yesterday on my bicycle, bought a bottle of whisky and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the whisky before I cycled home. Finally, it turned out to be a very good decision because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.
INSPIRATION THAT REALLY WORKS !
WHEN YOU SAY ‘YES’ TO OTHERS, MAKE SURE YOU ARE NOT SAYING ‘NO’ TO YOURSELF. – PAULO COELHO
While achieving goals we will require your energy and your focus. It is just as important to take the time to recharge your batteries. Downtime is just as important to your success as working hard can be.
With the advent of the smartphone came a new degree of connectivity. At any given moment, we’re only a few taps away from work emails, social media or news outlets. Our phones, tablets and computers are engineered to get us to engage and our minds crave constant stimulation.
In order to reach your goals, it is absolutely crucial to unplug and recharge your batteries. Here are four simple ways that taking time for yourself will help you create greater success in your life.
- Face the date with gratitude for what is going right and you’ll discover new possibilities at each and every turn.
- Giving 100 % of yourself every day takes a toll on your body, mind and spirit. Take time to loosen up. Laughter decreases stress, increases endorphins and creates a positive atomosphere anywhere you go.
- Train your brand to stay positive and make the most of your every day. Soon a great attitude will come naturally.
- Decreases stress and boost creativity by changing up your routine. Take a few minutes during your day to write, draw or colour. Exercising your inner artist can ease anxiety and increase focus.
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DUE DILIGENCE REPORT
The need for extensive due diligence is more than ever necessary in today’s globalized and crisis stricken economies. A DUE DILIGENCE Investigation is a methodical and meticulous examination of a business or person and it should particularly be performed prior to embarking in any kind of cooperation. The investigator’s sole purpose is to minimize and manage risk when embracing commercial opportunities with third parties, hiring employees that may be need for a hands-on, thorough and diligent evaluation is becoming all the more essential in an already unstable business environment. At the end of the day, your company’s standing, reliability and degree of success, all depends upon selecting suitable and dependable employees, customers, investors and partners. You don’t want an unpleasant surprise in the future and this can be avoided if you act proactively rather than reactively when customers suddenly are unable to pay, business partners have failed you or employees have leaked valuable trade secrets. The scenarios mentioned can expose your company to substantial and sometimes irrevocable losses.
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